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Does kissing transmit HIV?

I am HIV negative, and am getting to know someone who is HIV positive. I am concerned about kissing him. He tells me there is no chance to catch HIV from just kissing?

Is kissing 100% safe?

HIV has not been shown to spread with kissing. If you have protected anal sex then your chance of catching HIV from a positive partner is very low.

See your doctor, pronto...

You doctors do a great service and I would like to offer some advice that might spare some of your readers the agony I have been through in the last 18 months, dealing with anal itching/burning due to rash.

By the time I was able to secure an appointment with a doctor, the symptoms had lessened to look like a mild irritation/redness. As a result, I was passed from my primary care physician to five different specialists, being treated for conditions from pruritus to herpes. Finally, I insisted on a same day appointment with a dermatologist when the condition had become severe. Immediately, I had a diagnosis of inverted psoriasis.

So, please advise your readers to insist on seeing the doctor while the condition is clearly visible, and go to a dermatologist first for rashes rather than a general practitioner.

I understand but I don't entirely agree. Some people don't have the luxury of going to a dermatologist without first seeing their primary care provider. Moreover, most primary care providers are very skilled at diagnosing common skin conditions, and inverted psoriasis is not common. A dermatologist might not have made the diagnosis if your condition had improved so much by the time of your appointment.

What I would like to recommend is that most of the time you should see a primary care provider first and if they can't handle it or if it doesn't resolve then see a dermatologist.

And as always, insist on seeing the provider when the condition flares.

HIV and your relationship...

I am recently out of what I thought would be a wonderful relationship, and possibly still has the potential to be one. The guy I was dating is HIV-positive and I am not. I knew that he had HIV going into the relationship. After a month of really good sex and really good communicating, he voiced his fear of infecting me, and he said that would be his worst nightmare.

We use protection, and I read somewhere about PEP in case of accidental exposure. I ended the relationship because of his continual distancing, the stresses he is getting from work, his living environment, his family who is disowning him, he is now detectable whereas before the medication was working for him, he's just not happy. We've agreed that with everything he has going on in his life, he's not able to make me happy.

Leaving him was very painful for me as I care about him tremendously. But I feel that he may think that I've abandoned him. But I haven't. I just never know what to say to him, how I can help him. He just stopped all of a sudden with everything and distanced himself. As we continue on with our friendship, what can I offer him? How can I help him with all that he's going through? What books are out there that illustrate healthy relationships between couples dealing with HIV? Thanks for your time.

I am sorry that you had to end your relationship. It sounds like your ex is dealing with so many problems in every aspect of his life. First I want to say that there are many couples where one partner is HIV positive and the other is HIV negative. They have great sex, but are careful. The fact that your partner is positive does not mean that he will infect you.

If you practice safer sex and are careful you can remain with him in a sexual relationship and stay HIV negative. It is true the difference in HIV status adds an extra burden to a relationship that can keep it from working. There are many support groups available that help partners in these types of relationships deal with their problems. You should contact your local HIV clinic or LGBT center to ask if they know of any programs like this.

Your partner sounds like he may need professional help to effectively deal with all of his problems. Counseling with or without medication may help him get beyond the many issues facing him. If you want, there is also a chance that you could work through your problems and get back together.

I know your ex's viral load has risen and please reassure him that one elevation does not mean his medications are not working. Many positive people experience a temporary "blip" in viral load for a variety of reasons (stress, failure to take medications, colds etc.). He should not despair and make sure that he has a good HIV specialist who is following his viral load closely.

I think the questions you pose show how much you care for your ex. He needs your emotional support and guidance to help him through this difficult time. I urge you to post your letter in our forum as there may be many men with similar situations who can offer you sound suggestions.

Take care.